I realised that having an expectation is not a good thing about 2 weeks ago, and I realised I was having such a big problem managing that. So I took the vow, I'm gonna work on that. But time and again, I failed myself. Like what Helena said, "fail". Yes, fail. I've been keeping that expectation- you ought to have done this, you should have done that. Sermon taught me- be gentle on others, be harsh on self.

Actually I thought I have improved, only to be dealt a strong blow everytime I see it somewher- explicit or discreet. "I am myself, and I don't want to be compared to other people." Yeap, subconciously I'm doing a lot of that, and very little of loving them.  Very disappointing, I am. Like, especially when you learn about all these the hard way. I've always been very very egoistic about my leadership qualities, but even those have been casted into doubts. 

When a team is not a team, what is there to lead? One man team...