The sudden urge to blog. I really should never have succumbed, but this is really what I must do now. Suppressing has been hard, and I dread living in the fear and paranoia. As many times as I've said that the word "hate" has been erased from my dictionary ever since I took up this new faith that I've found, I genuinely hate the "me" that I am now. A hatred that has been born from the immense pain that I've gotten myself into. A hatred that has been harboured from the darkest side of myself. A hatred that has engulfed and blinded myself of the reality. Who am I? Exhaustion is taking over quickly and before conceding defeat, may I say this jsut one last time. "je t'aime"
From here on, I've formed my resolve, to finally walk out from the past. It's gonna be impossible, for a year's distance has created much barrier between us. I've once naively believed in the not so long future that might never come. Let the memories not be marred by the tears of pain, let them not be stained by the pleads of the grief.
I loathe it that it is always happening during periods of major examinations, so let this be the one final blow you're gonna deal on me. Promises are not meant to be broken, but this one seems a little too fragile to withstand further storms. Let us bury it in the deepest part of our hearts.
Thank you Ariel, Alvin and Deqi who prayed for me just now when I needed it most! Most importantly, thank you Lord for being always there with us!
Posted by Judah at 6/28/2009 10:58:00 AM
Verse of the day:
Blessings crown the head of the righteous, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked
-Proverbs 10:6
Posted by Judah at 6/28/2009 10:49:00 AM
Hm... What should I blog about? While that was the question of a few seconds ago, cruel fact is that I SHOULD NOT BE BLOGGING at this period of the year, at this phase of my life, at this hour of the day (or is it night, or morning? Anyway, now's 0117h). Frequent visitors, my apologies for not updating! But I can't be faulted, can I? Because 24 hours a day's really insufficient. It's the mugging period after all!
For a moment, I felt like blogging about changes that I have made ever since taking on the path of my faith, but that's gonna be so so much! Becoming a christian is really... AWESOME! Shall keep that checked on my memo, so that I will remember to blog about it genuinely next time! It's a little too much to squeeze what I've in mind into that short time frame of say 30 minutes that I can afford, at best an hour max. Perhaps the most notable one would be that I've become more wary and sensitive towards the usage of certain words like "hate"? In fact, I don't use it anymore, that is of course together with the subconcious total banning of all swear words. Behavioural wise, that's a small chunk of it, and attitude, mentality, value wise, they are a separate huge huge chunk. But for now, that's that! Until then=)
Guilt! Studying is just an excuse. I've gotten myself hooked onto bleach! Grr.. That's never the right time to do such a thing, tiong! Oh wells, I'm just having the peace of mind as I depend on Him, bit by bit, and then totally. The wonderful Father of fathers, I wish you a belated happy father's day.
Just a curious thought of my mind: has anyone tried praying for God Himself? I mean, that would be really sweet of the children to do that for a father? Hm...
May the light of your glory presence cut through the darkness ahead of us, and lead us to where ever you've intended for us to be. Bless us with the wisdom and strength to continue walking the path of your will, for apart from You, we are only making meaningless circles. Lord, during this period of tension due to both exam stress and the outbreak of the H1N1, please look after the health of your children and give us the peace of heart. May the Holy Spirit speak to our hearts intimately, so that we will be able to continue on this journey faithfully. You told us in John 15:7 that "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." Lord, I want to remain in you. Please continue to shower upon us the love like you've always done. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Posted by Judah at 6/28/2009 10:16:00 AM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Proud of myself? Totally! The crucial moments that spark off arguments/quarrels are the 5 seconds from the verge. Make a conscious effort to take a deep breath, and suppress it. It worked, and I'm still working on it.
Self-control is the key to self- discipline. Like all other things-practice makes perfect- even anger management involves a great deal of it. Offense? Shun off!
Posted by Judah at 6/21/2009 09:30:00 PM
Another long weekend's coming to an end, like how every other week did before. Poiema youth camp was a huge success- turn out was positive, response was good, and the people were nice! Nathan and Ariel joined us for the camp, the former being this really nice gentleman from America- an american borned korean who studies in Thailand (how's that! wink*). Cool dude! Amongst the rest, we also had song and caleb (Joel's 9 year old cousin from the States also) who joined us for the first time. Next thing I'm gonna talk about would be my group- Nettor Nairud! All of us didn't like durian except for charmaine, so we changed it to rotten durian and we spelt the words backwards! Cool huh! Had many cool games, and I had a insignificant cut in my toe from the kicking with Nathan.
Don't feel like going into the details though, but the memories were good! I made a great friend in the likes of Nathan. Haha! Gonna meet up sometime soon!
Praise be to the Lord, for He made it all possible=)
Posted by Judah at 6/21/2009 06:12:00 AM
I've been thinking too much these days. It's not good. A year ago, a similar phase of school, call it a barrier I would rather, I was stuck in a similar bottleneck. June Common Test. I am very sure some day in the future, it's so gonna be a matter of abolishment and forsake. Everyone knows how ineffective the system had been, just as how the useless the lecture system is in terms of conveying ideas (it's research-based). But being the singaporean that we're known as, we always have the tendency to buy in and tolerate whatever the government has for us, even if it means that it's with the cost of us having to go through that amount of suffering. Taiwanese variety show already showed how adults forget so much of what were learnt in their elementary school, renown researchers had done countless survey and found out how 80% of what were taught in lectures go to waste, yet we are still continuing with it. Nod, hmm, our governement must have our best interest at heart. IT'S ALL FOR OUR OWN GOOD (sarcasm). Yea, right!
I'm hoping for an extension for the june holidays. Did anyone realise the long term effect? Of a young dude putting his health on the blades, exhausting every last drop of energy each time before dropping dead finally, and falling sick like nobody's business. Did anyone carry out a research about the long term effect? Brain cancer? Senility? Anyone? Or is that the measure to kill the aging population, so we would die young! Ew! I'm disgusted!
Posted by Judah at 6/21/2009 05:50:00 AM
Part 2:
Posted by Judah at 6/21/2009 05:38:00 AM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A camp of oblivion- where we went by each other so many times, yet the blinded eyes could not pick up each other even once.
A camp of great chemistry- where we met for the first time, yet it felt like having known each other forever.
A camp of special status- where the relationship improved, yet the suddent downturn made it impossible to continue.
A december night of joy- where a month's long of work killed every remaining feelings still pressing on for the many years later, yet we somehow managed to spend some meaningful quality and peaceful time together on the actual night.
A camp of a special eturn- where I thought it might be another twist or turn, yet helplessness was the thing that took over.
So many things, so eventful, yet out of the many things and events, certain stood out to make their impression. Deqi made me an example exempted from jealousy (pure unintentional), yet jealousy was something I've always had difficulty coping with.
Perhaps bearing it for too long hurts; perhaps distance really makes the hearts grow fonder. Diminished*
Posted by Judah at 6/20/2009 06:31:00 AM
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Some interesting photos=)
Posted by Judah at 6/18/2009 08:09:00 AM
I didn't know how much I care until I was probed. Yes, I do. I really do.
Posted by Judah at 6/18/2009 08:06:00 AM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday we had a stayover at Bao's house, like finally. Lie most other times, Daniel's a missing figure in FF(fantastic five), but the stayover was good still, in fact very good! Geography is settling well into place in my brain capacity, and thus making me lose track of the time. I slept at 4 am in the morning again! Thus, it was only natural for me to wake up only at 11, where I eventually set off to her place at 12. Bo bo was there already. A levels was having a positive effect on us, that all of us did not take long before getting the stuffs rolling. Really? Not exactly! Haha. Joel joined us very soon, and while we were all gathered around that green mahjong table, with all our mugging materials laying around in the room, there were so many frequent breaks- chit chats about songs, ghost stories, and mostly songs were taking it's unfairly huge portion of time. But I was still pretty satisfied with how much I did though! =)
Bao forgot that she had piano lesson that night and pushed it back all the way until 830 at night, leaving us to study on our own. With a group of guys, what do you expect? Settling down was already out of the question, let alone to even study. Perhaps I was the exception. Joel and Bo Bo gathered in front of Bao's desktop and began browsing all the national websites available online, dropping on those of North Korea for one. I didn't quite pay attention, but the source of the laughters got me pretty curious- all about North Korea.
Bao returned at around 10, and the mugging session officially ended (It already ended prematurely some time before that). I realise Bo Bo's pretty keen on "Whose Line is it anyway" too! Definitely a good show of the good old days! Mahjong session began. We had a few before this, but none was as not-tiring, as enjoyable, as fun as this! Finally, all of us did not sleep for that night, playing mahjong for up to 7 hours consecutively! Then, a few of them began having headache, with Joel showing the most obvious signs of unable to take it anymore. HE WAS COLLAPSING! Bao decided that we ought to go out for a walk, which somehow managed to liften the tired lot of us a little. Morning air(minus away the stench from the drain running alongside the track) was refreshing, and morning walk with FF was shiok! Enjoyed playing that game, that was derived from the Irish drink song (was it?).
We strolled all the way to Sun Plaza Park, and we taught Joel how to swing a swing! Fun! Love the swings there. So high up we flew. And some of us, particularly myself died after that. The swing made these sleepless souls feel like puking, and amongst them tiong wei was having it the worst. Or at least that's how it seemed like. I was having so much difficulty walking back, that I hardly uttered a word. In between, we found a bench by the side of the track and sat down to rest, while that game continued. Good revision for biology, which none of us takes anymore. Naming body parts, and was surprised that I wasn't able to do so with any ease anymore. A sign of how school stuffs are forgotten as we graduate.
Back at her house, we stoned for a while. Initial plan was to have breakfast at KFC, but it was called off. Had some games of soccer with her brother's game console, while Bao bao went to have a nap. A "finally" for Joel. Went for lunch at the opposite foodcourt, got back at her house and I really have to bow to my brilliant idea. BRAVO! I suggested to have a few more rounds of mahjong before starting to work, to at least get our brain started up. During the game, I even suggested that we should get ourselves hyped up, with me and Bo Bo shouting at every tiles being played, so loud that Bao's aunty came to check on us. They say I acted like a gangster, and I thought it was funny and fun to act like one. Ask me how successful it work? I would answer you a big 0%! Haha! When we finally called an end to it, and took out our materials again. Bojun was the first to knock out on the bed, while my headd nodded off on the mahjong table. How successful should I rate that based on this? =P
Turned in super early last night at 7 pm, and woke up at 6am this morning. Perhaps my body clock is reverted the way I wanted it, til now it's been quite sometime already.
All in all, I really enjoyed myself! Thank you FF=)
Posted by Judah at 6/17/2009 07:45:00 PM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thanks for returning.
It was a pleasant surprise <3
Posted by Judah at 6/14/2009 11:33:00 AM
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Saturday. I'm glad I'm picking up pace. The focus is not on the initial pace, but a good acceleration. I'm confident (despite the vast amount I'm left with) that I will be able to make it in the end, even if it's to be barely there.
Efforts to revert my body clock is not in vain. At least, it's far from over. If t continues to work this way, who knows, I may become the 9 to 5 person again. Currently I'm waking up at around 2 pm every day. guilty*
I'm just so looking forward to a future, not blighted by these kind of suspended worries. All the best guys!
Posted by Judah at 6/13/2009 10:33:00 AM
Aw! So cute!
Posted by Judah at 6/13/2009 01:29:00 AM
Friday, June 12, 2009
I AM DARN TIRED!!!! and I'VE DOZED OFF UNCOUNTABLE TIMES IN FRONT OF MY LAPTOP ALREADY! But today is such an eventful day that I think I really must blog about! Revision and sleep? Leave them until tomorrow, at least when until when I'm done with this entry?
12th June 2009. As my MSN private message suggested, 12th June 2009 is soccer day (morning), mugging day(afternoon), primary six class gathering(evening), and supposedly playmax day? I gave the last one a skip though.
Anyway, morning started out fine. As in the weather was good, at least good enough for a good soccer match, and I woke up in time. In fact, much much earlier than I should! Arrangement was that I would meet Joel at 845, but I reached that place at 820? I could have been earlier if only I had taken the correct bus. 17 took a disastrous wrong turn that took me up the express way and dropped me right in front of Changi Hospital. Street soccer at Changi Hospital, how do you like it=P. Not that disastrous perhaps. Instead, I ought to be thankful for this little 'mishap' which kind of relieved me some of my waiting time, somewhat! Yes, joel was late, and he turned out only slightly earlier than 9. Good job! Haha, but the feeling of getting back on the feet for a good soccer game overshadowed whatever grunt I had!
Unfortunately, that good feeling did not last, because 20 minutes into the first game we had, I twisted my ankle! Ouch! When was the last time I had this kind of injury?! And what next? Play on! Haha, I tried to shake it off, and of course it came back to haunt me even more much later. Looking back now, I really have no idea how I played through a twisted ankle! 30 minutes from the ending of the game, my protruding middle left toe began to hurt, and hencefore, I was acknowledged as the most injury prone, the record breaker, the fastest to get injured, the one who gets the most injuries in a game, and Keng even nicknamed me "excessive bleeding" from the head cracking incident. Speaking of that, I came head on with Bryan again today. Yes, the person who caused me to have 3 stitches on my skull within 2 weeks of JC-life. He was totally freaked out, and backed off immediately! Haha. But thinking about it again, everytime I win the ball, is it because I genuinely win them, or is it because they were scared of me, more precisely, they were scare to injure me? I reckon it's very much the latter. Anyway, getting back on the court to play with familiar faces was definitely good, no matter how sucky I played.
Moving on. Went to Joel's house after soccer with Bojun. Had a quick bath there, and changed out of 2 sets of clothes. Haha! Study at White Sands Mcdonald's was good too! FF study group, excluding the forever MIA-ing niao niao. Had fillet-o-fish (my last time favourite, but the sauce (I've still yet to figure out what kind of sauce they use for fillet-o-fish. is it mustard?) has since been reduced by so much=() Used to study here with the FF during O-levels time, and now A levels' here. No matter how cliche it is, time really does fly! But today was exceptionally productive. At least I was pretty focused throughout! I like it=).
Evening time was Gongshang primary school 6.7 (2003) class reunion. Turn out was a good 9 plus Ivor, Ho Yin and a come and go and come and go and come and go and come and go..... edmond. 12 people! Some stood us up at the very last minute, but the gathering was really great. Good catching up. Chatted with some of them, and Kenny changed the most! Haha, character-wise still recognisable though=). Haha! Played soccer with them again (with my twisted ankle), and I changed my pants right at the centre of the field, under a tree! OMG! Haha. It was fun, though vision got really bad as the sun went down! We ought to have more of this! Yay!
Posted by Judah at 6/12/2009 08:02:00 AM
Testimonial to everything! That's what I call passion and commitment, and even love!
Maybe I should spend some time blogging before I sleep. This has got to be my earliest day ever since the holidays begun. Like I said, healthier lifestyle. Come on, we can do it! Muggers ftw!=)
Posted by Judah at 6/11/2009 08:50:00 AM
How many times must I say this?! I TOTALLY WANNA SLEEP AT 8 EVERY SINGLE DAY AND WAKE UP AT 3/4 TO HAVE MY MORNING JOG, AND TO START MY DAY OFF ON A HEALTHY NOTE! YES, I WANT A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE! And reality is: it's already 10 and I'm still here facebooking, blogging, revising! My pace is snail paced, and I've barely even completed one third of one subject! 3 more subjects and 3/4! OMG! How!
Posted by Judah at 6/11/2009 06:59:00 AM
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Blessed is the man!
Posted by Judah at 6/09/2009 05:58:00 AM
People revising geography, here's a little something which I hope is helpful. (click to enlarge)
Like Ming Kai said, the reason that we study geography is, hopefully, our passion and love for it. All the best!
Posted by Judah at 6/09/2009 04:20:00 AM
Monday, June 8, 2009
I'm in love with this documentray- man versus wild. It's just beyond "wow". Really admire him for his survival skills! Salute!
Try this!
He's the master of survival!
Posted by Judah at 6/08/2009 11:04:00 AM
Am I getting back to the daily postings again? If I am, it's really bad. I ought to be studying/revising/mugging. Anyway, after coming back from the morning jog and having a light breakfast, I literally dozed off in front of my laptop, all the way until 12pm, a good 5 hours sleep? Yum yum! Delicious thoughts=). And I had this really nice dream! Been so long since having a dream this nice! Love it! Well well, it's just some sort of family gathering (the rich men kind), meeting up with sisters, mommy and all, and yes there was this super cool ball game! Soccer on a gigantic bouncy bed, how do you like it? Woohoo! Then perhaps for the first time in my life I wanna be a keeper! Haha! So fun!
Back to reality, woken up by sister at 12, and went to buang kok. My nephew's first chinese tution by my sister. Complicated sister-son-sister-nephew relationship. But anyway, bus ride was fine, and I had this super nice double fish soup for lunch! Portion a little too huge though=P.
Tution session was fine I guess. Because she conducted it, and I just lazed around, popping by a little more than I should to give a little too many comments all the time=P Haha, that's me! I wouldn't say that Darren's learning attitude was at all that fantastic, but it's only the first session? Jiayou! If I can do it, so can you=) One more year to go!
Should be asleep by 9, but delayed a little. Perhaps it's a little too much? Giving false hope certainly is very bad, very very bad. I just hope it doesn't hurt too much! Really sorry, very very. Tomorrow's a better day, because each day is given by none other than the all-loving Father! Thank you Lord!
Posted by Judah at 6/08/2009 08:10:00 AM
Sunday, June 7, 2009
So I failed myself again? Despite the promise I made, I backed off at the very last minute again? That day I woke up on time. In fact I was early, but the sickness got the better of me. Bad nose running like tap; throat itching like there's a fat worm in it; body temperature soaring like there's a subsurface spring/volcano or whatever of sorts. Anyhow, I was quite adamant to go until besty Joel messaged me. I was quite concerned about me spreading the virus during this flu season. Sitting at the green rolled up thing could be an option, but what if the kids come in? They would be there too. So after much comtemplation, I decided to give it a miss. Like Joel said, He understands.
Woke up early and went for a jog with sister. Lungs, nose, and whatever there are in the respiratory system did no cope well. So I could only settle for 4 rounds around TPJC, aprroximately 2 km I reckon. Sister only lasted for 2.5 rounds though=P. I paced her, kept asking her to control her breathing and kept correcting her running method despite struggling to cope with my own. Journey was not that smooth either, with myself injuring my foot (I think) while jumping off from 6 steps. It was a refreshing run, like how my sister put it, though.
Back at home, sister has already gone to sleep. Today I'm going to big sister's house. Sister giving nephew tution whereas I should really start doing some work. Helped sister break the bio something facebook game record to claim the first position=) Yay!
Posted by Judah at 6/07/2009 02:00:00 PM
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My head is bursting, and the night isn't young at all anymore, but yet I'm still not in bed. Reason? To reaffirm my guess which was convincingly rebuffed; to cath a bit of the guess show which I had missed out on so many episode; and the final reason was because I waited=). Truth is I went off. I even turned off the computer but it just restarted. Computer doesn't want me to sleep also=).
Haha. Anyway, England just best the K.tan (I don't know how to spell it full) 4-0, with my favourite players scoring - rooney and lampard, and a certain Barry and Heskey. Yay! England is back on track!
Tomorrow I'm going to church by hook or by crook! Even if I'm darn sick, even if I cannot walk properly! I will drag myself there and sit at the green rolled up thing at the back! I'm determined! Just you wait, you cannot stop me! =) Lord, I'm relying on your strength=)
Posted by Judah at 6/06/2009 10:09:00 AM
Friday, June 5, 2009
HC camp:
3-days long camp had finally ended. If you asked me to tell you what I've learnt from the camp, I would be able to tell you nothing. Seriously, it was the experience which we have accumulated from the camp that would benefit us ultimately. That's what I believed. Knowing what you've learnt is nothing compared to applying what you've learnt. Of course I will be able to give the standard answer like SOU, initiatives etc because all these were mentioned during the camp. But applying it is a different thing, and definitely a much more valuable thing. It is through hands-on that the skills we have picked up would be able to be assessed. No matter what I've learnt, I enjoyed the camp really much. Despite facing much challenges and obstacles, the presence of a bunch of supportive teammates was really encouraging. I know subconsciously that I've learnt something, and I'm sure everyone did. Hence, granite dome 16th will be better and better, and hopefully one day, become better than 15th. Today is monday, today is Vesak day, today is public holiday, yet it's none of the above for me. I had HC meeting in the morning and GPP meeting in the afternoon. Only the guys turned up for today's HC meeting partially because I dozed off last night, thus, not able to relay the message to the girls. Today's meeting, we went to source for cheap and good stuffs. Managed to find the cheapest deepheat, found come source of free ice, and cheap bananas. Successful first attempt. Besides, we also came up with a proposal for JTS. It's super nice! Afternoon's meeting was at Paya Lebar, quite far away. I did my part despite the group keep digressing. I'm giving up on them le. Leave it to Adrian. Once they digress, I will just shut down. Something spiced up the day a bit. i kept putting counterpain on Kaizen and it was super hot. Very fun=)
May 19th, 2008
Alpha Alpha Alpha Rock,Beta Beta also Rock,Gamma Gamma Gamma Rock,Delta Delta rock as well.But I still think Alpha Rock,Alpha Alpha Rock The Most,Alpha Alpha Very Rock, Alpha Alpha Rock Rock Rock!!!
Posted by Judah at 6/05/2009 12:18:00 AM
I read my past entries, and was overwhelmed with a "wow"! That's that, where it begun. And now nearing the end of the journey, I look back and saw the remarkable distance I've come.
I said this at the beginning- That how Alpha warriors are. Like the wolves, ferocious when alone, deadly as a pack. Together we want, together we will. We want to bring glory back to Alpha, and we will do so! Mark my words. (29th April 2008)
Did we succeed? Are the seniors proud of us? I am=) Theen Yew, we've come a long way! 16th Alpha HC, thank you for everything!
Posted by Judah at 6/05/2009 12:09:00 AM
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Whatever that is. I wish: as I place my hand over the raging storm, it will be calmed by the gentle-est stroke; I wish: as I place the cooker's lid over the fuming pit, the volcano will stop vomiting blood.
Do you realise that it might just be the opposite case, as you said that the attempts were intentions to stop, they were instead desires to continue. I defy, perhaps, I don't know- perhaps, I might know- perhaps, I really know. That surrendering would only knock me out- poof, the end of the day.
Posted by Judah at 6/04/2009 12:23:00 PM
Totally what my mood is like now; totally what's on my mind; totally the desire of my heart; totally the craving of my soul- the lost one
Posted by Judah at 6/04/2009 09:35:00 AM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Totally inspirational!
Barcelona!
Posted by Judah at 6/02/2009 05:08:00 AM
Monday, June 1, 2009
Interested TJC-ian runners, please visit the following website:
=Love
