Today's another such gloomy day, and men never seem to learn. Myself, at least, was constantly plagued by such- the experience of come and go; the struggle through the gaining and losing. It all began a week ago where the boot camp made its miracles by bringing 11 people from different wakes of lives together to form an awesome group of servers called the serverknights! We cheered, we played, we joked and we had lots of fun! Never never? Ask me again- and I will say play "ever ever instead." I've ever been to an awesome program call Serve 2010 and met an awesome group of friends whom I really love so much! It might have been easier if we had split ways right after the camp, but the subsequent few days of lessons planted the roots that stretch so deep ever since. Today's the final day, and perhaps some of us have not felt the pain yet, but as I visited Van Van's blog and played her song- it just dawned upon me how much I'm gonna miss the presence of those 3. Even if they might have been the quieter ones, the ones whom I might not have quite noticed, the ones whom I've talked to so rarely, it's gonna be a hard fact to swallow. Simply because of one thing- a common memory that has been shared.

Now I'm feeling the fear- a fear of what might happen in slightly more than a month's time. Barely one week, and I'm already experiencing that kind of pain, and how about a month later?

I'm just so thankful for Van van, the one whom all of us had been so comfortable with. You're an awesome character, and we really got to keep in touch all right! I love your singing! Really!

The next closest got to be Markus and Esther. Goodness! A month later, please do stop me from crying all right?

All the rest, thank you so much for being part of this group! I really enjoy your company. Despite my awkward age in the group, you guys have treated me really well, and allow me to integrate in really finely! Thank you guys! That family tree which stood, shall always be there! Love you guys!!! A lot a lot!

The family tree that has yet to be drawn! <3

Serve 2010 boot camp had been a fantastic one, and Serverknights rock socks! Love my team members! ^^

But it has certainly felt like a long period of time since my last day of work, when in actuality, barely 3 days had passed. That's one of the irritable of a perspective based phenomenon- that when you spend a majority of the day dwelling in certain things, there is always this tendency that the day may seem to have stretched beyond what we may have expected it to be. Therefore, apart from the feat of swimming 4km, I guess the significance in much things could have been drowned.

Anyhow, yesterday was a polarity. It was the second cell outing that my group is having in the year 2010, and pretty much so, the second that we've had ever since I joined them. So, I am really happy that the relationships between each of us have been thriving, perhaps not so noticeably, over this period. My conversation with most people had not been able to last beyond certain time frame, if not for the twin outings that we've had. Thanks much to En for stepping up to organise the first one, which had really been a blast! That was one of the best heart to heart chattings I've ever had!

And it was precisely due to the high benchmark that had been set that I was beginning to have much worries when I organised the one we had yesterday. Attendance was not as assuring as then, and Jia En was the only girl. But God's always so good to make His presence felt. So the outing turned out really good! Chatting at the empty hawker centre at the second floor of Sempang's a really good option for random activities! Staying over at YanJun's was awesome too! Jia En was nice enough to stay over with us (I'm suspecting whether she has agreed because she didn't want to disappoint me, otherwise it would have been so weird and awkward for her. But thanks much nevertheless!). Bridge and "Big 2" until 3 or 4 am in the morning reminded me of the good old times, when we were so much freer; when I still claimed myself to be the nocturnal (not anymore- tested and proven!). Now that I reminisce upon what had happened last night- it's really funny how our conversation drifted from one topic to the other, with Alvin constantly giving us the assurance that he'd not feel tired if we kept him occupied, which we eventually failed to do so. And I do feel that the most productive talks came from that period of time, when most of us were in the state of half-consciousness- when we shared our perspectives over many many things, spiritual and life alike. Humorous in the sense that we talked about such solemnity when our state of mind was not at its best, yet yielding good yields. Who else but our Daddy God is awesome enough for such?

Breakfast at 85 was devoured with minimum remaining energy, and how the four of us went for service without a proper wash up was definitely a sight- a unsightly one, but definitely a worthy one!

To my cell mates:

Guys, I really love you guys so much! I've mentioned this before that the cell thing, unlike any organisational/ school-based activities, would not come to an end at various specific deadlines. So this is really something that we ought to build upon, a relationship that holds accountable for each other. I'm really so glad that we always grow so much closer at the end of a cell outing, and I do get disappointed when we distance ourselves as we step beyond certain radius (3 days or perhaps 4 after the outing). Let's keep this up all right? I really love my cell group, and today I'm just so glad that God gave me the courage to admit to something which I've always shunned away from discussion since almost 8 years already. So that confession, I hope is one that'd be kept within us (not even Joel or any of my family members know about it), but I'm trusting my cell people- that added responsibility that we've towards each other. I'm really relying heavily on you guys to help me overcome such! Love you guys much K3U

The beginning of a new year- the beginning of a journal. Father Lord, please guide me through!

Anyhow, a point form one might be the most suitable for my current state!

Kind souls, please keep me in check^^

Moving on: A long long way to go.

A journey that we embark on together!

ps. anything can and cannot be said, what matters is the deliberation that we gave it before we speak it. Sensitivity, and whatever not. Perhaps I'm too sensitive, but anything that could have been deemed to be excuses are not valid, to me at least.

This so reminds me so much of the past, when I got totally put off by certain gossips. Then there's the issue of insensitivity now. Come on, let's be true friends to each other and help each other grow on the path toward greater righteousness. If I am too sensitive, help me to become less so^^ In Jesus' most precious name, Amen!

If I were to tell myself that I do not have leadership qualities, I would be deceiving myself. If I were to tell myself that I'm not aware of those qualities, then I'd be killing myself (my potential). But indeed so, I need refining, a lot of that!

A new year, and a new beginning, hence, a new sets of resolutions. I don't know, but I haven't been at all that keen to blog over the course of the recent days, so even though I'm posting now, I have made an effort to force myself to do it. For that, I'm quite appreciative of God and myself, for that willingness. For people who have hurt me, and people who haven't, I always try to make myself known that I am one who sees upon efforts as an essential part of any relationship. So I do get really upset when I sense lacklusters. Especially so when I've overcome my fear of over-expecting from whomever they might be. (entry of 21st December)

New Year resolutions: