It would probably have slipped my mind if not for the reminders from Brandon's photos. Despite being an 8-day only mission trip, it has certainly felt much longer than anything like this. I had so many flashbacks of the significant memories over the recent few days, yet the less significant ones were not visited, and would not have been still if they had not been triggered. I probably wouldn't have remembered the very first meal we had at A&W restaurant; I probably wouldn't have remembered that the 3 skits which I have chosen were specifically the Prodigal Son, Noah's Ark and the Parable of the Sower; I probably wouldn't have remembered our first trip to Tesco and how Joel, Josh and myself got crazy over milks and juices.

Yet, it had precisely been because of those small moments where I was off from the load and pressure of the fact that this was indeed a mission trip, that I had been able to catch some glimpse of joy from positive relationships. It ought not to have been difficult, but I chose to make it difficult. Looking back at the whole experience, I do wonder if I had been on the right path. I'll never forget what Mark shared about during one of those devotions that he thought that the focus of the trip should be on building relationships with one another. As much as I might have hoped to deny my agreement with that (because at times, I thought that that sheer focus has distracted us too much from doing His work and even distracted us from Him), the amount of joy that the rest of the team might have enjoyed is too much to not have come from the Lord Himself. Have I done wrong? The story of Mary and Martha had been a huge bulk of this mission trip for myself, and even more so, a source of motivation which I've relied heavily upon as I did His work. If I looked at Martha, perhaps I have been trying too hard; if I looked at Mary, perhaps I've looked to be like her as I did His work; if I look at Mary again, isn't building relationships part of those?

Joel told me he felt that I’ve met my targets which I’ve set for myself before setting off, but that had little conviction. I probably would not have realised how insensitive, how untactful, how bad I am with relationships (a direct contradiction to what I’ve thought and claimed myself to be).

Nevertheless, it has still be an experience for myself- a beautiful one. I love the transformation that I’ve seen, and I love the relationships that I’ve built with the locals. I’m not sure how many people could understand the whole internal proceedings within myself, but I’m still glad I’ve chosen to withdraw from the team at times to spend time with Him; I’m still glad that I’ve chosen to spend time with the locals.

To the entire team, I’m sorry for causing so many worries, and being the source of tension all the times. I am very expressive, but not in the way that it is best comprehended. You guys know I love you all.