Haha. I'm foolish huh? Baohui kept asking me to change my wall paper in my handphone, but I just refused. I'm very reluctant to do so. My rationale? If she has already given up, the more I've to cling on to it... Else, it's really gonna be an end. At least now it's still an unknown future. But in any case, realisation of me killing something which I've cherished so much was bad. How could I have killed that love. Nevetheless, no turning back. So I will just cling on to that thin line of hope Very fine, I'm so afraid it will snap... Yesterday I thought I felt better after the affirmation- somehow uncertainty was worse than rejection to me? I don't know. But when I was on the bus, a of things flashed again. Hm. I hate taking bus alone, make me feel super sad, and think a lot. Which I should not. That wall paper, it's the only photo we took. Haha, miss it bah. Do I really feel better? It might really have already become one-sided, but am I right to cling on... I don't want to be a pest, but yet deep down, it's gnawing all the time. I'm anticipating the next genuine smile, but how long does the anticipation have to last... And that SAT. medical course will easily take up to 6 years, and that's really long... Together with the next two years, it will be 8 years. 8 years of partition. The hope becomes thinner everyday, but I'm still clinging on to it. Father Lord, give me the strength... Even if it's really one sided. I won't complain anymore. Just don't let my hope die... I pray...