That is, today I'm disappointed. At this very instant, I am, very much, disappointed. I am human after all, so that's pretty hard to put the blame on me. But nevertheless, I just wanna pray continuously for the Lord to help me achieve what I've learnt. Knowing and doing; knowing and applying. People have been telling me about various comment which I could but to only agree, yet practising what they preach remain something far beyond. Shall not elaborate, because problem seem to lie in me. Everytime I get involve in a group, it always, almost very naturally, occur in me, that I'm bound to be satisfied in one way or the other. So for that, I'm praying hard too. Help me, guide me. And yea, do pray for me. Very much appreciated.

I've scrolled up and down the MSN contacts. Should I talk to chuwen (who's not online), or should I talk to Shanna (whom none of the conversation I've had with can sustain beyond), or should I talk to Jia En (whom is unlikely to even know what I'm gonna talk to her about), or should I talk to Eunice (whom I always say hi best friend and the conversation ends there), or should I talk to Joel (who's currently resting and his interest level remains doubtful), or should I talk to... Hm... All in all, I'm becoming more unwilling to let my rantings out, like literally. Turn to God I guess.

Yesterday, I had one such particular instant. X was making the card, but apparently, hogging it too much. I wanted to say, but didn't know how to put it the nice way. So I end up becoming pissed, and then quiet, and then didn't want to care until this morning when I'm touching up, I realise there were so much that I'm not satisfied with. Really, I could have stepped in and since Y was having a suggestion that might help, I could really have stepped in and let Y take over. Or even, I could have really stepped in myself, since I'm the one having so many comments to make. Someone please teach me how to be the bad guy without appearing too bad. It's a really touchy stuff to even begin with.

Today, I'm stuck in that same mud pool again. I mean when I've came by that mud pool a zillion times, and I do nothing about it, ultimately, I will just get myself stuck in it every time I take the same trek. So there I am, getting myself soaked in all the mud and dirt, and struggling to pull myself out of it.

Here's how it goes. X, Y and perhaps even Z have become somehow closer recently. And somehow all of us came to this common consensus that we should not do something for the wrong reasons, but yet, unfortunately they are still doing it, or maybe that's very much what I'm thinking, which may be yet wrong as was mentioned above. Shall reserve a little of what I thought, but up there, I'm thinking perhaps a little appreciation should be shown. Especially when it's to a stranger showing hospitality and kindness to do us a favour? Hm... I've no idea why I'm so worked up about this, but... Oh well, it just shows how much work I've to do in order to bridge the lapse, the one between what my consciousness has guided me to achieve and how my mentality and thoughts are struggling to catch up.