Weather: Sunny

Mood: deep in thoughts

This is perhaps my second time writing an entry in the booth, but I am convinced that this might really be the first of many things to come.

I have just finished the film "Avatar" with the beloved FF, and truly, it has been an awesome one! I mean, how long has it really been since the last union? Anyhow, I just got to admit, with must guilt, that the truth is I didn't have much sentiments regarding the reunion, but rather a wealth/groundswell of thoughts as an aftermath from the story. Perhaps, I really should swallow my words now that I've declared, almost just as certain then, to Baohui that Avatar, thought a great film in itself, does not evoke as much sentiments as I would have liked (an aspect which might have been inferior to that of 2012) How much more naive could I have been, to finally realise that a genuine good brew requires the drinker to gently sip on it to digest and "be digested"- a principle which fits itself pretty well into the situation here.

Therefore, I suffered the consequences of my words while riding towards my workplace. I mean, when one has almost more than happily accepted that "the movie is solely for entertainment" is a fact, isn't he at his most vulnerable when the "fact" falters? That ride must have been one of the longest in my life, if not already the longest. And perhaps I should be grateful at least that I heeded my gut feeling to walk to a certain bus stop instead of taking up the suggestion of changing from one bus to another, which by all means, ought to have made the journey painfully longer!

Things are just plain weird when they do not go in accordance with very much of how we might have desired for them to be. That, I call it the expectation. And that, is also a very human thing. Many many posts before, I've mentioned that I had come across a certain phase in life where realisation of me being one who might have expected too much from others had struck me hard. But today, I am telling myself that one who does not expect, does not live. The logic is simple- expectations do not just fall on individuals, but more often than not, they concern happenings of events. When it's almost meal time, one expects to become hungry; prior to entering a "haunted mansion", most expect to become fearful; in the event of facing an emergency, the attendants would expect the passengers to cooperate and react with precautionary responses. Expectation is a part of us most of the times. I mean, even animals form their own sets of expectations if you were to ask me.

To rebuke myself, or rather, my old self, that expectation only serves to strain relationship, I do think that even harsh expectations of fellow humans are an expression of genuine concern and love. One fails an expectation when he does not live up to it. As often as we tell ourselves that people have different level of maturity and priority and that we ought to respect and accept those, these, I now think, could again be summarised by my own quote again: "slowing down is an option, but it certainly fails to establish itself as a valid excuse to not put in enough efforts." Anything can be an option, or in this case, many options, but it is ultimately down to oneself to determine what kind of ATTITUDE we might want to adopt.

Of course, by that I do not mean an endless pursuit without satisfaction or contentment. So perhaps, the gist of this lies in the delicate critical region where we draw the line. I mean, what isn't? But again, what Joshua Harris mentioned in his book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" about how intimacy ought not to be marginalised by a certain line. If premarital sex is sinful, shouldn't cuddling and holding hands be just as sinful? It's not about that presence of the line which more often than not only serves to provide us with just enough space and perhaps "self-tolerance" to make us feel better, but rather very much of this depends largely on our own conscience. Positive expectation has the potential and capacity to spur on one another such that one improves at his own pace. On the other hand, blind tolerance creates a breeding ground for bums- indulgence/姑息.